A fighterz motto...

It's my life, not Fibro's!

One of our fellow Fibromites on Fibro Fighterz, Colleen, said this and it makes so much sense. I think as suffers of a chronic illness we need to stop going around feeling sorry for ourselves. We need to make a conscious decision to become a fighter not a sufferer of the illness. We need to make this illness only a part of our lives and not the dictator of it. It's so much easier to say this than to live by it. Attitude is key to our entire lives! 
I hope that these words impact all of you as much as it has me.... enough to make me one of many Fibro Fighterz! 

Exposure...

So, I took a chance and I think it was worth it. I've been told that my neck  muscles are so tense that it makes my neck straight as opposed to having the natural curvature it's supposed to have. X-rays have proven this theory.

I've been suffering for the last 3 weeks of excruciating neck pain. My neck tenses with ANY little stress (physical or emotional) and it strikes a pain to my back and up my head. This in turn causes me migraines, messes with my sleep pattern, creates anxiety which just adds more stress to my neck...

Last week, at work, I was exposed to a different side of the health industry. I learned that some Dr's aren't as interested in curing their patients as they are in making money. This causes dependence of patients to meds. Meds that don't cure us or even give is relief. So in all that, I tried putting myself in the shoes of the opposing sides in the health industry and realized I was or could be one of those patients. I refuse to be nothing more than funding. I want to be a patient, with pain, with aches, with an illness, but also with responsibility,  with common sense, and with awareness. 

I believe in healing. It doesn't matter if it's medical as long as it's spiritual.  This weekend I opened my door to holistic healing. I went to see a reflexogist / Acupressure therapist. Last night, after a month, I finally had a good nights rest. I can't say I'm cured because that would lack common sense but I can say that I'm better. My neck isn't 100% but it is so much better...

I'm aware that many more of you are reading my blog now and I want to be clear that I am not encouraging any of you one way or the other. This is just exposure for you to my personal Fibro journey.

Fibro Fighterz

I'm having a good day!!! :) I'm so excited! I was accepted as an Admin to a Facebook page!! I know that to many it doesnt seem like much, but to me, its a HUGE step forward! It gives me a reason to be cheerful and to keep positive.  I feel like I'm going to make a difference now! If I can be the cause for one smile a day, its MORE than enough to know that my day was worth struggling through... I hope that I can be of inspiration to this group...

You learn...

If you dont have Fibromyalgia, if you're healthy do it all. If you do have Fibromyalgia, the day's that you dont have a flare, do it ALL!!

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone

I recommend walking around naked in your living room

Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)

It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)

Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone

I certainly do

I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time

Feel free

Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)

Hold it up (to the rays)

You wait and see when the smoke clears

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)

Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)

The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you learn

You choose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn

Love and other drugs....

Maggie: I don't need you...
Jamie: Yes you do... someone to take care of you. Everybody does.
Maggie: I'm going to need you more than you need me.
Jamie: ...That's okay.
Maggie: No, it's not!! It isn't fair. I have places to go.
Jamie: You'll go there. I just may have to carry you.
Maggie: I can't let you do that...
No matter how much we try, with our illness, we'll always feel like a burden. In any type of relationship.  At some point, I know I have felt guilty for dragging people through my journey. And many other times I've felt grateful that some others aren't having to deal with it.
But truth be told, we'll always need them more than they'll need us. And only few will actually be willing to help us carry our crosses. Some of these few, as absurd as this may sound, will fight their right to deal with this life that we would so graciously give up.
I'm in one of my toughest moments. Emotionally, I feel drained and for the first time, I feel tired of having to deal with all my aches and pains, emotional, mental, and physical.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I miss my old self.... and I wish I knew the answer to all of this. I wish I could wake up and feel that it was all a bad dream and that I'm back to being myself. It's hard to realize, this is never going to end...

Stages to the new me...

So in coming to terms with my illness, I've realized a few things. First off, I've come to the conclusion that us, Fibromites, have to go through an inner process aside from our physical endeavors. I read somewhere, and have to agree, that once diagnosed we have to go through the 7 stages of grief. And in this, I in no way mean that we have to accept our end but simply a new beginning. We grieve for our old self. As we lose the life we had and must learn to live with the new life we were so graciously given.


And although I believe we do have to go through these 7 stages, I also must say that I agree with Dr. Phil as he states that "there are not stages of grief, but an array of feelings that arise." But I also believe, that in my very particular case, I went through the stages mostly before my diagnosis.




The first stage is shock and denial. I don't think that I went through the shock as much as I did the denial long before my diagnosis. I felt young and more ready than ever to conquer the world. I was a single mom, working, and dedicated to my son. At first one symptom, then another... and every time I encountered a new one, I told myself "Oh stop! Its all in your head!" Of course, hearing that from family and friends added to the usual "you're healthy, all your tests are negative" from the doctors only helped prolong this stage further.


Stage 2 is the strange one for me... Pain and Guilt! Pain yes! Lots of it! Physical and Emotional! Not to mention the pain of not being who I knew I could be or always wanted to be. Guilt, on the other hand, was not for me. How could I feel guilty for being sick. Yes, I admit I don't eat the healthiest food or do 3 hours of work out sessions a day, but I did well for myself physically. Very active. Zumba was my major outlet for all the emotional stress I was going through not knowing what the hell was wrong with me.



Anger and Bargaining.... I think one time I asked why me? but then I answered myself. Why not? That's always been the answer to a lot of my questions... and for me, this worked. I was angry, yes. Because I didn't know what was wrong with me, because no one gave me answers, because no one told me it was not in my head, because I was in pain ALL the time, because I wanted it to stop, I EXPECTED it to stop... and it never did.



Stage 4 was the craziest... Depression! Major! So much anger made me depressed. I think more than anything it was the fear that I was sick (or maybe it was just all in my head) and I had my son. He needed me to be sane and I was anything but... I cried in the dark and always in the shower... upset. sad. My anxiety escalated to uncontrollable levels only to add to my depression and loss of hope.



And then... the best stage so far... The Upward Turn. The day I walked into my Rheumatologist's office. The moment I heard it.. Yes you're sick. You have Fibromyalgia. It's not in your head. And there is no cure. For some people, most sane people, this is almost as crushing as a life sentence to death... but for me, it was light. Light at the end of the tunnel that I had so painfully been crawling through, scratching at the walls and dragging through the dirt....


Reconstruction and Working through... This one, to me, seems like it's never going to actually pass. With this illness I don't think we ever finish "reconstructing ourselves." Its almost impossible. With every flare comes new symptoms and new weakness and even new abilities.... so how can we stop rearranging our lives. I guess I did the basics. So basically, I started working through the pain and the reconstruction of my life. I changed some parts of my life... I walk slower. I talk slower. I enjoy more of the simple things. I leave the drama. I concentrate on and indulge in my simple pleasures. And most importantly... I worked through getting to Stage 7


Acceptance & Hope
I accept my weaknesses. I accept my pains. I accept my life. I accept the challenge. But most of all I accept my illness. I know I'm sick and I know that this is not something that will go away. And I have hope that my life will not deteriorate, simply change. I have hope that my family and friends will see me through it. I have hope that life will get better. And I have Faith in Him and that He's listening to my prayers and nourishing my Hope.


So with all of this said, my last stage calls for one more thing..


I am Mireya and I have Fibromyalgia....

It was supposed to be fun!

I remember being a kid. I remember one of my favorite things were Parks... merry-go-rounds especially!  But then there was always this one kid that would offer to spin you. And you'd spin, and spin, and spin!  And all of a sudden it was coming.... u start loosing ur ground. Your head starts feeling like it's hollow. Almost like you are floating at high speed. You scream STOP!  STOP!  STOP! but the louder u scream the faster they seem to go....
I've been on that same merry-go-round all day. At my 30 years of age, it's still supposed to be fun.... but it's anything but.... simply, sickening!

Fibro for dummies...

What hurts?
My bed. My couch. My pillow. My clothes. My shoes. My phone. My TV. My food. The sun. The heat. The rain. The cold.
When?
I open my eyes. I climb out of bed. I sleep. I sit. I walk. I talk. I think. I eat. I laugh. I hug. I drink. I ask. I type. I read. I work. I breathe.
Where?
My head. My back. My eyes. My legs. My chest. My fingers. My brain. My emotions. My elbows. My knees. My jaw. My toes. My neck. My stomach. My ribs. My throat. My memory. My life.
Why?
It touches. It itches. It rubs. It scrapes. It Burns. Its heavy. It's rough. It's hard. It's soft. It's late. It's early. It's too much. It's too little. It's hot. It's cold.
So what do I rely on....
My Faith. My courage. My strength. My family. My friends.
God.

Cant do much damage...

These last two weeks haven't been easy.. and by the looks of it, this week wont be any better.  I am still feeling a lot of discomfort in my neck area and cant sleep comfortably.  However, I've decided to go to Zumba today anyway. I figure not much could be worse.  It either helps or it wont but I wont feel as guilty eating my pain and sadness away.  I just wish I could make all of this go away... If only... But God knows what He's doing,  and I will know why one day... My head is throbbing.... That will probably explode on my way home from class.. Oh well...