Wow I cant believe its been almost a month since I've been on here. I think that's because I've had the hardest two weeks I can remember (physically). This weekend was definitely the worst by far. I got to a point where all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry myself unconscious. I thought about how ugly the rest of my life was gonna be, how much I hated my body right now and how much I wanted this to be a bad dream... But after analyzing everything that's happened this last week, I came to one conclusion. I am beyond blessed. I realized this weekend that I have an amazing support system. My family is so supportive. And my friends pray with me, for me and stand by me. But most of all I have my son. There are 20 families missing their children right now. They cant see them, hear them, hold them, love them, care for them, or tell them how much they are loved. Thankfully, I have mine. And he is all I need to complete my life regardless of how much my body betrays me. I cant thank God enough for allowing me to live my life with him and I could never explain to anyone how much I love him but I can show my son everyday that I love him and that every sacrifice that I make is for him and so well worth it. This weekend we told him we love him so much more than we'd ever said, I think. I've made myself sick thinking of those poor families that I have no words for. How do you console someone that has lost a part of them... and in some cases, themselves completely? I just pray that they will find some peace...
RIP Sandy Hook victims 12.14.12
